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How Therapy Works

Complex Trauma and Relational Difficulties

High Sensitivity and Neurodiversity

Spiritual Issues

Breakdown, Burnout, Overwhelm, and Crisis

How does therapy work / A metaphor for therapy

It’s not unusual for people to ask me to explain how therapy works. And the best way I have come up with to explain it is to use this metaphor.

There is a place in your house; it could be a cupboard or a basement or an attic. And it is the place where you put the things that you don’t know what to do with.

You might have a thought in the back of your mind, nudging you to sort that space out at some point. But as it is just a niggle, and the tasks and demands of day-to-day living are compelling, it gets put off and put off... until one day, for whatever reason, it is not possible to put it off any longer.

So the door is opened.

What happens next?

That first moment can be a lot, but as you breathe and start to look, you realise you can bear it. And you can make a connection to the part of you that knows what is needed. So you take the first step, pick up the first object, and the next, and so on.

In your cupboard, or basement or attic, you are likely to find things that are no longer needed. There may have been a time when those things were important to you, but now that is no longer the case. You may be able to recognise that you are in a different time, now. You can take a moment to grieve the loss and change, and then

those things can be thrown out, recycled or given away.

There will also be things of great value that you can bring back into your life. These precious and life-enhancing things will change your life for the better. These items may need some TLC: cleaning off, or repair in one way or another. There may be some sadness that these things have been buried and unappreciated. But the grief can be processed, and the items moved to a more appropriate location that honours their value and significance.

You will probably also recognise that, alongside the things that you have put into the cupboard yourself, there will be many things that have been handed down to you from your family and ancestral lineage. These inherited items can also be contemplated, and you can choose which of them needs a more central location within your home and which of these can be let go of.

How I use the metaphor in my work

It can be hard to explain a process that can have a mysterious quality to it. Many people have no experience of therapy, but most people have some experience of

sorting out a room or a cupboard. The process is comparable, except in therapy the space is the inner landscape rather than an external space.

The role of the therapist

A significant part of the role of the therapist in this process is to be someone who can bear to look and who models that looking is safe. The first opening of the door to

this space can feel overwhelming; there can be an impulse to shut the door and return to the habitual, even when the habitual has become untenable and uncomfortable. Having someone alongside who can bear it models and facilitates a new way of relating to oneself that can be internalised as one’s own confidence and understanding develops.

The other parts of the role of the therapist are to help with making sense of what is being encountered, and to support with managing the pace of the process.